結婚の意味

結婚の意味を教えてください。

新しい家を買うために、結婚するのは意味がないよね。

彼は本当にプロポーズしたくなかったかも。私が言った。

”どうしてプロポーズもしないのに、先に家を買うの？”

だから、プロポーズしてくれたんだ。

テレビでプロポーズの番組が出ていて、あの女たちは幸せですね。男はいろいろな準備をして、ロマンティックのプロポーズをあげた。

私、たぶん一番失敗な女です。

最近けんかしちゃった。毎日、同僚の前でも、家族の前でも笑っていたけど、寝るときは千尋鬼塚の歌を聞いて寝るまで泣いていた。彼に嫌われてしまったので、彼に電話しても切られた。

”あなたと話したくない。”　携帯のメッセージ。

こんな二人はもうすぐ結婚する？信じられない。

結婚しても、長く続けますか？

私、何してる？

幸せになりたい。

失敗

”ねぇ、あなたが来る前に、このチームに新しい人が入ることは全然知らなかったんだ。席もないし、パソコンもないし、うちのチームのスペースも狭いので、どうすればいい？このチームに入りたいの？”

適当な答えは何だろう？”私はどうしてこの会社に入ったの？”

私のセイじゃない。

life

it has been very tough for me. i have to admit i am not a very sensitive person. Now that i have landed myself in this kind of situation, i dun foresee how i can carry on my life or even pass every single day without having to worry about my own safety. i just want to live a normal life, better still hide in a corner and do my work without having to interact with others. are they genuinely nice? are they pretending? are they gossiping or complaining me as a newbie who knows nothing and gets into their way? i dunno... sometimes i wonder if i would get to hear their true feelings like in dramas where people would accidentally overheard other people saying bad things about themselves especially in toilets. nah, of cuz that did not happen to me. these people are probably too clever to do this kind of stupid actions. am i thinking too much? i am not very happy. in fact,this is making me feeling very terrible everyday. i drag myself to wake up every morning. if not for the pressing issues i have right now, i would not force me, myself and i to carry on doing this. i am feeling slightly depressed initially. now i think i am getting more and more depressed to the extent i started to think of the simplest solution. it's quicksand. it's dragging my limbs and i have no wish to struggle. times like this, i start to hate the world. start to hate every single thing about life. like a rebellious teenager. nothing, not even my favourite songs are going to make me feel better. listening to chihiro onitsuka's songs make me feel worse cuz i can feel the helplessness in the depressing songs. i am worried. i think one day i will be swallowed by my own worries. is it the end of the world when people are swallowed by their own worries? i guess no one can really understand what i am saying.

6 Nov 07 - Kagoshima

Train ticket to Kagoshima

The next morning, I woke up super early to check out and went to Hakata Station to get my train ticket... I was super excited because I knew that suyu was also on her way to meet me at Kagoshima. So long never see her already... Yes, I tried very hard not to get lost! A blur me was walking around the train station because there are two areas which sell Shinkansen tickets but I don't seem to find my destination "Kagoshima".... How? Open your mouth and ask~! hahaha So I was supposed to buy my ticket at first level not second level... Successfully found the place and went to buy my ticket... I tried asking in English because I felt very unsure how to go about asking in Japanese but the man don't seem to understand my question... :s Forced to use my broken Japanese again... Reserved seats were taken already so I only had the choice to buy non-reserved seat... (tip: if you are going to buy long distance train ticket, buy in advance i.e. 1 day before the trip... you would not like the idea of standing for so long!) But I was at least 30 minutes early... I went in and to my horror, one long flight of staircase! Dragged my super duper heavy luggage bit by bit... So paiseh... There was a group of teenagers who seemed to be on an outing... One by one, they walked past me and I was still dragging the luggage... The best thing I love about the train stations is vending machines and food stores... =) Grabbed something to eat and bought my favourite juice...

Despite being in the non-reserved seats cabin, I managed to find a seat... the train had a lugguage compartment right in front so I deposited my luggage there and sat down comfortably... announcements were made in Japanese, English, Chinese, Korean... Don't have to worry about not understanding the announcements... heehee Enjoying the scenery outside when my ears suddenly picked up the announcement - "Train carriages from 1 to 5 are going to Kumamoto while carriages from 6 to ...." Huh?!?!?! You mean the train is going to split?? A very nervous me was looking around frantically for the carriage number... I dun want to be going somewhere I dunno... :s Luckily i was in the correct carriage...

Note: www.hyperdia.com is one of the most useful websites for travellers to plan their japan trip... as everyone knows, trains in japan run on fixed schedules... so better check everything before you go! According to my schedule, I have to change train at Shinyatsushiro to take a shinkansen to Kagoshima... When the train reached the station, all the people were rushing out to the train at the next platform... I also forgot to check and blindly dragged my luggage to alight... The train started soon after I found a seat... *OMG!* Where is the train going to? I asked the person sitting next to me and heng, the train was going to Kagoshima... -_-"

When i arrived at the station, *lost* again... but never mind! The golden rule is - Follow the crowd! hahaha I was so happy when I saw Suyu outside waiting for me... Yeah! We never meet up for so long already... At least one year plus... Went to deposit my luggage in the lockers conveniently outside the station (Why we can't have this in Singapore?) and off we go to the most famous sightseeing place in Kagoshima --> Sakurajima!

Busy life....

How do i put watermark on photos? Haiz, i am so busy and he is too busy to teach me as well so i haven got the time to go and watermark my photos before putting them in my blog... cant wait to share my japan trip photos but i guess it has to be temporarily postponed till i learn to watermark and have the time to sit in front of my computer to do it... :s

Some updates about my life... my mum was hospitalised a fortnight ago... she was having a fever and her body was swollen all over... just gotten back from a post check up only to find that she is suffering from SLE (lupus)/Sjogren syndrome... Read the articles online and apparently it is quite serious... she was quite worried about it as one of our distant relatives actually passed away last year due to lupus... she kept talking abt her godsister who suddenly discovered her lung cancer last year... my god aunt was in last stage of cancer when she was diagnosed with cancer and left us soon after that... but i believed that my mum will get well... my sis said we discovered it quite early... with medications, the symptoms can be kept under control... everything will be okay... this dec, she will be going for a holiday in China... doc says she can be well again within 6 t0 12 mths...

About myself... i have officially ended my jobless life... started working somewhere near my place... yes, my workplace is 3 bus stops away from my house... too far to walk there but very fast by bus... hahaha all my colleagues are living far from tampines... :p still sitting around and staring into space sometimes... even about to fall asleep at times... which i feel extremely guilty... but what to do? got nothing to do mar... heehee :p cuz i am still waiting and waiting for instructions to be given from above... tentatively i will try to find things to do... :s anything so that i can help my colleagues and also to kill TIME... i even get to off work very early these few days... enjoy the luxury now because i tink my life is going to be terrible next time... judging from the hours my colleagues are working... hope to stay with this grp of ppl i am attached to now... because they are very very nice ppl... =) one even commented that i am a quiet girl... yes, i am very quiet because i am not used to the environment yet... ahahaha

that's all for today... will be going for tuition soon... shld i continue teaching? i am worried that next time i might have to commit till late hours which means tuition is almost impossible... :s will ask for yj's opinions... i like my tuition kid and enjoy teaching him... but i wonder how i can juggle between work, tuition, jap class, renovation, wedding plans next yr? can i freeze the free time i have now and credit it to next yr? how i wish~

5 Nov 07 - Fukuoka (Part IV)

The shopping areas in Fukuoka. On travel books, they often said Fukuoka is great for shopping. I believe that it is true because all the shopping areas are so big~!

Tenjin Underground Shopping Arcade

This is one part of Tenjin underground shopping arcade. I entered into a small shopping centre and its basement is connected to Tenjin underground shopping arcade. Along the walkway, there are many little shops. Feels like citylink but it is definitely more confusing. At least citylink is just a long stretch easier to shop. For Tenjin underground shopping arcade, there are several links to shopping centres that are above it. So it's quite difficult to walk around if you are not sure of the places. :s I merely did window shopping because my luggage was already too heavy for me to carry to Miyazaki and I was really unsure whether I will have enough cash to last me the coming 2 weeks plus.

Daimaru

Mitsukoshi

The shopping malls such as Daimaru and Mitsukoshi in Tenjin are really big. Comparing to Singapore, the shopping malls had a different feel. Maybe it's because of the decor inside. Feels very high class to me and their things are really expensive! :| I wandered around, wanted to wait for the yadai to start opening. Yadai are food stalls which only opened at night (like food stalls in Pasar Malam) and some of these stalls are recommended by travel guides too! But I waited till I was too hungry. In the end, I went back to Hakata Station and ate curry udon there. *Oishii*

I went back to the hotel quite early. It had been a tiring day as I did not have enough sleep and was tortured by the cramps. I enjoyed walking alone and going to the different places with the help of friendly people in Fukuoka. Next time I want to come back again to visit those places which I missed out. Marinoa city, Hawkstown, Kawabata etc.

5 oct 07 - Fukuoka (part III)

Outside Tochoji

Tochoji

This is one of the famous temple, Tochoji. This temple holds the wooden statue of Kannon, God of Mercy with 1000 hands as well as the largest wooden statue of Buddha. Unfortunately, I did not get to see the Buddha. I like the picture that I took outside Tochoji though. The one with colourful lanterns!

Kushida Shrine

Kushida Shrine was built during the Heian Period. This was the first shrine I visited. It was a sunny weekday with little visitors. I like the feel of walking into the shrine. So peaceful. I was so excited to do the traditional visiting procedures! First, wash your hands at the side where water is provided. But I have not figured out which hand to use first. Then when I wanted to make a little prayer, I observed how people do it. However, I realised that not everyone does it the same way? They seemed to do it differently. So that's how I decided to do it. Don't know whether this is correct though.

1. Throw a coin into the box
2. Pull the rope and shake the bell (if any)
3. Clap your hands twice
4. Close your eyes and say your wish
5. Bow sincerely

After visiting three places, I went back to check in and rest. My da yi ma had been giving me such a hard time that I lost my mood to continue my tour. :s Passed by Family Mart (I absolutely love Japan's convenience stores!) and gotten myself some sushi and a drink. I even took an afternoon nap. Having regained more energy to walk, I decided to go Fukuoka Tower. Well, it's strongly recommended by Peiwen! I took a bus from Hakata Kotsu Centre and the ride took about 20 minutes.

Fukuoka Tower

Fukuoka tower is BEAUTIFUL. It's one of my favourite building in Japan. =) When I alight from the bus stop, I got lost again. I was inside one of the TV station building so I approached the receptionist and found out that Fukuoka Tower is right next to it. It was a windy day. Much more windy than Singapore. So windy that I felt like I can't walk properly. I was quite worried because I saw the trees shaking violently. At last, I entered the tower. By the way, it's good to alert and pick up tourist brochures. I did that in Fukuoka Airport and got myself a discount coupon for this Fukuoka Tower entrance fee. Small discounts make big difference~! I was served very politely by this lift lady. Inside the lift was a Japanese man with his wife and daughter. We went up the tower together. The lift lady was giving an introduction of Fukuoka Tower. Yes, it is in Japanese. :s

Views from Fukuoka Tower

At the top of the Fukuoka Tower, you can walk one round to get a 360 degree full view of Fukuoka and its bay. I love the sea view! From the pictures, you can see the man-made breakwater constructed to prevent the waves from eroding the beaches. As you can see, Fukuoka has many buildings constructed tall and clustered together. City-like compared to the places I went in Miyazaki.

5 oct 07 - Fukuoka (part II)

Hakata Green Hotel

This was the hotel that i stayed for one night in Fukuoka. It was not expensive (~SGD70) and I like the room even though it was small. Very well equipped with LCD tv, fridge, a small hotplate to boil water! I know a lot of people have the impression that accomodation in Japan is expensive. But if you don't mind staying at small hotels, or even pensions and hostels, you can get cheap deals! =)

Hakata Kotsu Centre

Hakata Kotsu Centre is like the bus interchange in Singapore. I am very amazed that the buses actually drive into the building. On the first level are buses that travel around Fukuoka. Second level and third level are alighting and boarding points for highway buses respectively. Highway buses are alternatives to domestic airlines and trains if you want to travel around different places. For me, I took a highway bus (~4 hours) from Miyazaki to Fukuoka and on the same day, board another highway bus (~10 hours) from Fukuoka to Kyoto. From here, I can take 100 yen buses and other normal buses to go around Fukuoka!

Furusato-kan

I could not find this furusato-kan when i alighted from the bus stop! Attempted to walk around following the map. But it was terrible. Where is it?! When i was standing there at the traffic light helplessly, a man with blond-dyed hair and a half lighted cigarette came over to ask if I was lost. He offered to look at the map but wasn't sure of the directions too. He kept saying "chotto matte" to me and at the same time trying to figure out where we are on the map. After some time, he finally knew where we were and offered to walk me to furusato-kan. *happy*

This furusato-kan is a small musuem that introduces Fukuoka and Hakata history. You can learn about their culture, language etc. They also display items that were used during olden days. (There's some English introductions as well!) It was interesting to walk around this little museum. =) Next to the museum, is a small shop selling souvenirs and toys from olden days. Even if you don't want to buy, it's great to take a look.

Weaving Machine

Weaving was something really interesting that I get to try in Fukuoka! In between the furusato-kan and souvenir shop, there was this little house that showed the history of cloth-weaving in Fukuoka. I was walking inside the house taking photos of weaving machine and the finished product, when an ojisan approached me wanting to explain the history of weaving. But but but, he was speaking in Japanese! I tried my best to understand what he's speaking and probably understood only 40%. ”わかりましたか？簡単で説明しますね。” (Did you understand? I will do a simple explanation.) Looking at the question marks on my head, he decided to let me try out weaving instead. I sat in the machine above, with ojisan standing next to me to guide me. He would smack my hands if i never place my hands properly. :s I managed to do quite a few lines of strings. Weaving is not easy at all. It requires good hand and leg coordination because after you step on the peddle, your hands need to be ready to switch the ball of string. It's fun!

5 oct 07 - Fukuoka

The whole night on the plane, I could not get to sleep because of a snoring man sleeping behind me. All the people were sleeping soundly. I look through the window and saw the beautiful night sky. Probably that's the closest distance we can get to stars. The whole sky was lit with glittering stars and it was amazing. I have never seen such sky in Singapore. =) After a while, I slowly fell into deep sleep due to tiredness. When I woke up, it's breakfast time. Japanese style breakfast with rice and miso soup. I asked for the Western style instead cuz I like to eat bread. Haha The air stewardess seemed to assume that I am Japanese so she kept asking me questions in Japanese and i replied in Japanese. In the end, I was not given the immigration card and the declaration card was in Japanese. I had to tell her that I am not Japanese and asked her for the immigration card. =p I felt a sense of relief when we reached Fukuoka International Airport. Finally, I stepped on the land of the rising sun, Japan.

I had a long chat with the immigration officer because there wasn't many people queuing up. At first, he only asked where I am from and what I am here for. Then, he was having difficulty asking in English and started to ask whether I understand Japanese. Yes, the moment I nodded my head, he was so glad and asked even more questions! -_-" Had to write down Suyu's contacts and address because he discovered that I have a friend in Japan. He asked about Suyu's occupation and my whole travel plan. Where did I learn Japanese and how long. Even asked if my boyfriend is Japanese? So after finding out that Suyu is a Singaporean working in Miyazaki and I am a Singaporean coming for a long holiday and my boyfriend is Indonesian, he gave a confused look. ''複雑ですね。。。" (It's complicated...), I said then he laughed. That's the first Japanese I spoke to in Japan.

Then I got stuck at the luggage check area. This officer was nice but niao! He wanted me to open my luggage and check everything... When he saw the parcel that suyu's mum wanted me to bring over, he asked me if i do drugs? -_-" Anyway, after explaining to him the contents, he insisted to open it. The parcel was sealed nicely with scotch tape lor... He doesn't know what is chicken essence? So I got to explain to him. Then, when he saw "Yomeishu", he gave me a diaoz look... "Why you bring this from Singapore to Miyazaki? You can buy this in Japan!" I told him that my friend could not get this in Miyazaki... That's why! After some 15 minutes, he decided to let me go and nicely wrapped back the parcel for me. *lucky*

(Look out for next entry with pictures!)

4 oct 07 - Changi Airport

I only had a few days to pack my luggage. Before I knew it, it was already the day for departure. My mum specially took leave to send me off at the airport. Since my brother had nothing to do, he came along as well. After we ate, dear rushed down from work too. I was feeling very nervous. For the first time in my life, I am going to a place so far all by myself. At the airport, I discovered that my "auntie" came to visit me. *sianz* the end of my hope for the onsen trip!

The moment I stepped into the custom area, I had mixed feelings. On one hand, I am very excited about going to Japan. On the other hand, I seriously doubt myself whether I am able to travel alone. Turning around, I saw my mum waving at me with dear and my brother. "Am I really going alone?" I cross my fingers and hope that I will not get lost at Bangkok Airport.

After a few hours of smooth flight, I reached Bangkok Airport. The plane stopped in the middle of nowhere. I had to walk down the plane and take a shuttle bus. It was torturing for the next few hours of waiting to transit. Walking around the shops with limited bahts I had from my previous trip to Bangkok, I merely did window shopping. In the end, I paid for surfing internet at a internet cafe. It was expensive ~200 bahts for 20 minutes. The computer needed update and it wasted 5 minutes of my time. When i was chatting on msn, I accidentally hit a key to change to Thai words and suddenly I can only type Thai words. Well, at least I got to chat a little bit with my friends and dear.

~Dress well~

When i started work on my first job, it does not require me to dress formally... i am not the kind of person who knows how to go about choosing and matching clothes... so, my dear colleagues always see me in t-shirt and jeans... (not those nice and cool ones!) haha in other words, *lok kok*

The first time when i realised this, was my mentor (name will not be disclosed) who commented on my dressing for she is somebody who always like to dress up nicely... haha after that, here and there i received kind advices and comments... mostly about my sandals... cuz i wear sandals WHEREVER i go... yeah, no matter what i am wearing! =p

recently, ST who was very kind, went shopping with me... in an attempt to get nice clothes that will suit me... last time we went queensway shopping centre too... that was very long ago... apparently one trip is not enough to change a person's dressing for the better... so this time was at orchard... :) ST is really pro in shopping and she knows how to dress up very well... (of cuz we cant say bad things about people who help us right?) haha though sometimes i dont understand her definition of nice, but i really trust in her to help me... so i have learnt some lessons from our precious learning shopping trip...

1. don't wear purple even though everyone knows i love purple colour... she says sometimes it makes me look old... must depend on the shade... i am still trying to figure out wat shades suit me...

2. no lines at you-know-where... it just dun suit my figure...

3. NO NO NO! shocking pink is erm...

4. Try grey and blue... yes! its really nice...

5. sleeveless and long sleeves are great!

6. long tops are recommended... cuz my body is not-long...

7. matching shoes with the clothes is impt!

some of the points i remembered from the trip... hahaha thank you teacher ST... =p knowing what is suitable is not enough... i think must be brave enough to try... so i practically tried everything ST chose, not forgetting the unforgettable elf costume...

What did i buy?

- A grey & white striped dress which is really nice and looks so si wen...
- A black dress and white skirt which i matched them together to wear... its one of my favourite... reason: its very comfortable!
- A pair of black heels which i tink will come in useful for interviews, work, etc
- A pair of black capris pants which matches the above heels very well...

That's all for this shopping trip... :)

Going Japan!!!

after so many years of studying Japanese, i finally have the chance to go Japan... this time it will be double combo - kyushu + kansai... hopefully when i come back, i can take some time to blog about my trip... *yeah* =) it has been my wish to travel there... due to financial constraint, i have been waiting and waiting... so i am super excited about it... though its super tiring to be planning for the places to go and accommodation etc, i actually prefer free n easy than package tour... i wanna relax after converting to jobless status... heehee~

Its really goodbye this time

these few weeks have been rather busy at my workplace... went concourse with my colleagues to buy presents for all the children... den have been writing for term progress for the children cuz its the end of the term le... plus marking the never ending pile of homework... somehow time never seems to be enough... i have not been making the class materials as well... lucky i am going back during the term break to finish my work... hahaha by this week, i have to finish wrapping all the presents as well... hopefully all the children can come this week to get their presents else... sianz... (reminded myself of one pinwheel which is still in the cupboard cuz my student din come) last week got quite a lot of absentees... i wonder why?

time really flies... this week is actually my last teaching week at the school... i think i really gonna miss my colleagues and children a lot... it has been a very wonderful and happy working experience with the children and i enjoyed working with my fun colleagues (they really made a huge difference!)... minus the 'cool' bosses, everything was great... thats why iv kept saying that i will surely cry on the last lesson with my children... *no way* no matter how she bu de i am, i shall be a very brave girl and not cry for the whole week... *tian xia wu bu san zi yan xi*

after tendering for the third time, i am finally leaving... and its without any regrets... well, things have come to such a stage that i actually felt glad that i have put things to an end...

About Parents

I was talking to ST that day after our saturday classes... dunno why we started talking about our parents... especially our dear mums... so we spotted many similarities between them, other than like to watch the afternoon taiwanese drama 'yi nan wang'... heehee =p somehow this conversation came up in my mind while i was standing in front of the sink and happily washing all the dishes + two pots with curry stains + rice cooker... suddenly just feel that sometimes i dun really understand how my mum thinks... i am sure many people feel the same way towards their parents too, if the parents are very traditional... but it is important that we remind ourselves no matter what our parents do, they have our interests in mind... because of the generation gaps and different thinkings, we might quarrel because of misunderstanding... a scene replayed in my mind... in the movie 'I not stupid', where the dad died while trying to protect his son... he was a violent dad and always beating his son... but he did not have much education and did not know how to go about teaching... the only way that he knows to teach his son is to beat him... so sad right? on the other hand, now that many families are getting affluent, the parents have a tendency to spoil their children such that the children grew up not knowing wrong and correct, not able to face failure etc... all parents love their children but it is also important to learn how to love children correctly... Love education is the key to raise children!

From colorquiz.com

Your Existing Situation

Volatile and outgoing. Needs to feel that events are developing along desired lines, otherwise irritation can lead to changeability or superficial activities.

Your Stress Sources

Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. This desire for preeminence isolates her and inhibits her readiness to give herself freely. While she wants to surrender and let herself go, she regards this as a weakness which must be resisted. This self-restraint, she feels, will lift her above the rank and file and ensure recognition as a unique and distinctive personality.

Your Restrained Characteristics

Remains emotionally unattached even when involved in a close relationship.

The situation is preventing her from establishing herself, but she feels she must make the best of things as they are.

Circumstances are such that she feels forced to compromise for the time being if she is to avoid being cut off from affection or from full participation.

Your Desired Objective

Needs to feel identified with someone or something and wishes to win support by her charm and amiability. Sentimental and yearns for a romantic tenderness.

Your Actual Problem

Greatly impressed by the unique, by originality, and by individuals of outstanding characteristics. Tries to emulate the characteristics she admires and to display originality in her own personality.

p/s: just happened to check psychology test online and tried this... some parts are really very accurate! =p

FriendS

Friends are a form of emotional shelter... someone to share laughter and joy... someone to share tears and sorrows... someone to lean on for support and someone to give support to... friends need encouragement from each other and friends have to learn to accept each other for who they are... not just tolerating each other, but to understand how each other feels...

I just hope that things will get better as time goes by... =)

just to share~

Proverbs 10:19

When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.

Just feel like sharing this phrase which is one phrase that i remind myself quite often... other than "be slow to angry" in James 1... these are two very important phrases which i have learnt to conduct myself in my daily life... yes, from time to time, we tend to forget about our weaknesses and bad points... but i feel that it is good to keep on reminding myself of these two phrases... so that i remember that i must not be too fast to react and become angry and speak without thinking... oh, i must share this with my tuition kid... i kept telling him that i remembered this phrase in the bible but i cant remember where it is?! but actually i had a bookmark on this page... i hope he learns from this...

James 1:22

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.

- Reflect -

when you get everything you want easily, you don't realise how hard it is for your parents to earn that.

when everyone pampers you too much, you just take people's kindness for granted.

it's not cool at all, to scold your parents using vulgar language.

how would you feel if you are the one being scolded?

what gives you the right to say these dirty words to them?

what have you done for your parents?

what have you done for your family?

what have you done as a son?

what have you done as a brother?

If you don't learn to reflect your own mistakes, you will only risk losing your family.

漢字学習ステップ ６級

川さんのおかげで、八月二十二日漢字検定のテストを受けることになった。すごく緊張ので、昨日もう紀伊国屋で練習の本を買った。どうしょう？時間が足りないそう。頑張ります。合格したい！

rEtAiL ThErApY

-digress-

Typing the title like this reminds me of my student, ryane... he purposely wrote his name, alternating the size of each letter like this, on his drawing that day... he is very cute and i love him very very much!!! *heehee*

-end-

well, talking about retail therapy... daniel was saying that he bought a lot of things these days... he talked a lot about shopping when we meet up to drink at starbucks... hahaha so unlike of him... though i have recently gotten a very pathetic bonus, i have been thinking of new things that i should get for myself... and i think i also caught the shopping virus from him... me bought a pair of jeans, a denim skirt, my favourite sandals, a pink top and two bras recently... haha i have been feeling rather happy these few days till i realised i have spent quite an amount... -_-" its very difficult to control yourself (or rather myself) from buying... sometimes i really feel very sad for having to stop myself from buying things that i wan... i feel so pathetic... at least most of the things that i really want are not those branded and unreachable things... just whether i am willing to part with my cash or not... so this time, i decide i will spend a bit and save a bit... :)

shopping is not just about getting things that you desire... it is a process whereby a lot of things can happen... when you shop alone, you get to see many pretty things and you can image how nice it is to own all these things... when you are not feeling happy, shopping takes your mind off your troubles and focus on buying things... the moment when you make a purchase, you feel a sense of satisfaction... in other words, shopping makes you feel emotionally better after the physical purchases... ^^ for this, you can go for Ms SC for advice... (maybe she does not want to be named in my blog) hahaha

p/s: for those who dun like shopping, swimming is another good alternative! \(^^)/

Quick, grab it b4 the hike!

i was at IKEA last night just wandering around with him to look at the furniture... it was through the announcer saying that IKEA will be opened till 12 midnight... wat's the occassion? nearly forgotten that it is the GST 2% hike... after 30 June, it would be officially 7%... saw one man talking to another man, "if you think you really need it, then you get it... if you are not sure then don't buy... its not worth it to just grab it though the hike is coming..." sounds quite true... i cant do anything to avoid buying luxury items at 7% since my house is not gonna be due soon... hahaha so i am not complaining... :)

now IKEA has updated quite a few of the rooms and we have picked up some designing ideas... i really cant wait for my house to arrive... only then we can make some proper planning i feel... now with the floor plan which is hardly accurate, its difficult to tell wat can fit into the rooms... i am not really good with these designing stuffs but i guess i can only contribute some silly ideas... however, i am sure my house will turn out good no matter wat... heard of one chinese saying? "gold nest, silver nest, the best home is still my dog nest!" :p

Its Term Break!

finally after weeks and weeks of teaching, the teachers are getting some kind of holiday... yes, we do not need to teach... but every one of us is busy from making materials, typing lesson plans and writing reports... even though i am happily updating my blog, i have reports for the whole term to write... kinda not in the mood! =p

actually planned to go batam with him... i am looking forward to the food there... hahaha such a glutton... but my good auntie came just yesterday and my cramps were terrible... this morning i had to drag myself to work... felt so drained of energy... :s instead, i requested to stay in singapore... even brought my japanese hw to do while he does his freelance...

today's a fri night... though we were tired, we met up for dinner at harbourfront centre... yes, look at the number of people at vivo... i wanna escape to somewhere with lesser people... got this sudden craving for mee sua... so we went to shihlin... den proceeded to vivo and got caught into best denki... looking at all the electronics... as usual, he was so interested in the tv and laptops... this time round, he took fancy of refrigerators too... nowadays the refrigerators can be rather huge... with so many compartments it can be very messy... :s washing machine, dryer, cd player, toaster, rice cooker... i can list a whole lot of things i wanna get for my new flat... plus the furnitures and renovation... i wonder how much in the end will we be spending? :s *sounds scary* my leg cramped badly after walking for so long... so we went to coffee bean to spend my remaining 10 dollars... hahaha drank the usual drink... took a long bus ride home... that is the result of not wanting to stand through out the train ride... =p

he said to me that he is really happy to be able to spend fri night with me like this and not worrying about me having to work the next day... issit bcuz it comes once every three months? that's why it feels so precious? quote from chloe's daddy, de bu dao de yong yuan zui hao... heehee~

一リットルの涙

Minhui lent it to me two weeks ago and i just finished watching everything this week... it was a very touching drama extracted from a real life story... :) i think i might just accidentally cried one litre as well... if you count the moments when i cried recalling the story... This girl, Aya suffered from a strange brain disease whereby the cells controlling muscles gradually disappeared with no reason... she died after 10 years fighting the disease... and her diary was published with the same title as in "one litre of tears"... unfortunately this book is only available in Japanese... :( (it will slow down my reading speed dramatically!)

After watching the drama, i suddenly felt how lucky i am... though i fall down occasionally (not as often as Aya), i am able to walk by myself... i am able to write and type properly... i can eat my meals well without having to choke and risk dying from that... i can speak clearly with everyone understanding me... being healthy actually allows me to do so many things that one cannot do when one is sick... i guess this is something we ought to remind ourselves of from time to time...

how strange people are... we never realise how lucky we are till we see that some other people are no better den us... and after being satisfied and contented for a while, we start to forget that we are lucky and we start to compare ourselves with people whom we considered as even luckier... why do we do that? doesn't that make us more miserable? we must learn to see things in the positive light and stop being so greedy... contentment brings happiness... desires are bottomless pits... if we never learn that our desires is never ending, we will not be happy... think simple and you will be happier... :)

Enid Blyton and the cloth II

James 1:19 Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

That's the verse i am talking about... so during that time, i always put in conscious effort to remind myself of this... i should try to listen to people more often and be slow to speak and become angry... i am still trying very hard to do so... i guess man are always imperfect and that's why we seek to be more perfect by changing ourselves to be more God-like... =)

i guess for me, the most difficult part of improving myself would be managing emotions... i wonder issit the same for everyone... as most of the people around me know that i cry very easily, i get upset very easily... i also get excited very easily... i feel happy very easily... maybe in the eyes of others, i am over-reacting... but that is how i am... that is my character... watching dramas like "one litre of tears", i cried non-stop for hours... cuz i really imagined the actress in such a situation... as though i can feel watever she is feeling... even when i talk abt the story, i start to cry... it is making me depressed these days too... :( on the other hand, when i see my children being able to learn something new or shown improvement, i would also feel very happy... its the kind of wonderful emotion that keeps me happy throughout the working days... =) a fren has ever mentioned to me, emotion is like sitting on roller coaster... after you get down, you will definitely go up... that's true!

Enid Blyton and the cloth

I was on the train journey from tanjong pagar back to tampines when a thought suddenly came to me... it was a very simple story from one of the Enid Blyton's books... a short story about this magician who was spotted by a boy in the middle of the night... the magician was holding one bale of cloth and the boy questioned about the cloth... it was the cloth that represents our life... the shiny spots represented the times when we did kind deeds and grey spots represented the times when we were bad and greedy... the holes represented the hurts that we inflicted on others and others had inflicted on us... i always wondered if i have a cloth like this, how would mine look like?

there were times that i was happy to look back on the wonderful and memorable times i spent with my family and friends... i was glad that i chose to do certain things over the others... the days i wish that the people that i cared were happy and they did... there were times that i felt miserable to think about how mean and unreasonable i was when i got angry and how unsatisfied i was getting on with my life... i felt that greediness, laziness and other negative feelings piled up inside my heart and it just made my days seem darker than usual... no matter how many times i told myself not to regret, i still did it... so, i seriously broke down when i watched "one litre of tears" especially the part when Aya said, i will stop to regret about this sickness which i have gotten... i will choose to look forward and live on... (something along this line) i will strive hard to make my life shinier than the past, even though i know i cannot stop the holes and grey areas...

that day i happened to meet up with daniel for supper near my place... and he was telling me his impression of me last time in pri/sec sch... i feel that i have changed for the better and he agreed too... my old friends can tell u how bad i was as a person... i nvr care for other ppl... i was always very self centered and thinking about myself... i talk practically using my mouth and not my brain... (i am really better now i feel) i hurt the people who were around me... i just felt very lousy when i recalled about the past... i felt that, at that time, i was probably living because i am living... but after Weitian brought me to her church, i started to think a lot about my life... i still rem the first time when i opened the Bible, it was at James 1 (if i nvr rem wrongly)... it was about managing your anger and i cried so hard... this was so true of me at that time... (to be continued)

About Make-Up~

i am not the kind of person (unlike my sis) to put on make-up everyday or whenever i go out... always feel that make-up makes a person looks pale when she is without make-up... last time in choir, i always anyhow do the make-up... as long as it is not very obvious and quite presentable will do... i am hopeless!!!

today after lunch, i went watson with susie, huiyi and esther... cuz huiyi wanna get some comestics... and our dear susie who is always so excited about dolling up, experimented on huiyi's face... hahaha =p it was quite funny... and i even took a picture of that! wondering wat will huiyi wear tmr? she's gonna surprise us... haha and susie too... heehee

sometimes i do wonder, how would my face change if i were to put on make up? haha thats because i have seen a few girls looking totally different with and without make up... well, maybe next time i would really have the chance to do that when i change to a new working environment...

talking about which, i think some of my friends still thinking that i might just end up continuing working in the same place... since the management is supposedly gonna make changes to our salary... i wonder what would be the ending? but i really hope for a break... i just feel too tired to carry on...

New Home + New Worries

a few weeks ago, i received a letter from hdb saying that we are shortlisted for the flat in tiong bahru... =) i am very happy for a while before i start worrying again... next week, we are going to select the flat and pay the option fee... i think within three months, we would have to sign the lease and also by that time, get ready the housing loan letter and stuffs... everything seems to be going quite fast... when the flat is ready, den have to worry about renovating the flat... though we haven gotten the flat, everytime we go to courts or ikea, we would be discussing about wat furniture we want and how we wan the house to be like... hahaha it's a totally new experience for me... cuz i have not moved before... the only time was moving from kampong to hdb when i was two years old... obviously i cant rem anything about that... so my house has made some changes from time to time but overall it is the same... i wonder if it would turn out to be wat i wan... haiz, i still think the new hdb flats are very small compared to my house... :s

financially it is very worrying... now i am still repaying my education loan... and my house is coming soon... and i am thinking of putting braces as well... and i wanna go miyazaki, japan in october to visit suyu... haha i think i am too greedy... bcuz i wanna do so many things, i dun think i would be able to save up like my sis does and pay upfront liddat! but i am really that kind of person... i cant just save up and force myself to be miserable... i rather pay slowly and life is still within my control... i can still go occassional shopping and go out with frens... =p well well, let nature takes its course...

also after much consideration, i decided to quit my present job to go for another job... why?? i really love this job... the colleagues and children... haha but sometimes i really feel sick and tired of this job... i guess everyone would have this kind of feeling from time to time... and the pay isnt good enough... i am not asking to earn alot... but i wanna repay the loan and start paying for my house... with a mere amount like tt, i dun think i can make it... somemore i dun think i am high maintenance... so with a higher pay, i would be able to do more things... for this to happen, i gave up my chance to take a basic course offered by the company... by sept, i would have to say goodbye to everyone and i gotta make sure i really do that k? if not, i would be laughed at again... :(

another thing is about feeling comfortable and at home... though from time to time, i stayed over at his place, i still feel at home when i am really at my own house... with my parents and my siblings... talking rubbish and watching tv together... its more fun and more relaxed... over at his place, its very much of us interacting only... with his bros interacting with the computer... -_-" the whole feeling is just weird... not getting used to it... so just imagine how lonely i would be if he were to go out and leave me alone at home... omg... >.<" *kangae takunai*

with the new house, a lot of adjustments would have to be made i guess... in terms of financially, psychologically etc... his mum is actually suggesting meeting my parents... i feel like "huh? need meh? feels like those olden days type of parents-meetup..." think i have to ask my mum about tt... haha tts all for now... gotta rush to work now... my body is aching from the swim yesterday... :s

My birthday is coming...

How fast one year passed just like that... i am reaching mid twenties soon... it sounds so scary... :s where is my life heading to? i wonder... maybe by the time i find an answer, i would be ten years older already... *hopefully* that's better than getting no answers at all... hm, what do i want for presents? i really dunno... must go and think about it... my bf has gotten me new specs cuz i had just recently spoilt mine... =p

On channel 5

Ever since my sis moved back from hostel, its getting more crowded at home... =) haha we watched two movies on channel 5 which were based on animals... Shark attack 2 and The rats... do you know wat they have in common? there was a man who was supposed to be the hero, saving people from sharks and rats... and together with the hero, there was a silly woman who knew nuts about the problem and always insisting on tagging along wherever the hero went... how come in the movies, men are always the heroes? i wonder why...

Self confidence~

You don't have to be a 200 pounds girl to feel insecure about yourself... i really admire those who have lots of confidence in them... and whatever they do just make people feel "wow" about them... though whenever i meet up with my friends, colleagues and other people, i always talk a lot including silly things and cold jokes... but i think i talk to feel the confidence in myself... i enjoy talking to them to make them laugh or feel diaoz about what i am talking about...

What's inside of me? i find lots of insecurities... i worry about every single thing going on in my life... i cling onto my loved ones for lots of support... on the surface, i try to be someone who is very happy-go-lucky and always laughing and doing silly things... i try to take things easy and not feel so much stress... underneath, i find myself struggling very hard just to get on with life... living can be sometimes torturing... its not about being poor and not being able to live well financially... (which depends on individual definition) in fact, i am very happy about that already... i can survive well on my own... its about being lost and finding no direction in life... i am just walking in the fog and hoping that i dun drop into a hole next moment when i step out...

sometimes i feel like i am living a life for somebody... for this physical body that my soul is residing in... my mum wanted me to study well and get into university... this was her hope for her daughter... so i studied hard and finally graduated from the local university... but now what is the path i should really take? neither my mum nor me had a clear idea about it i think... i have the habit of always listening to others for opinions... i believed in people around me cuz they are more matured and capable than i am... i am so unworthy and so useless to be a good friend or even a good girlfriend to these dear ones who chose to be together with me... i hope one day, i can really pick up confidence about myself and stop feeling so lousy for being fat and ugly and stupid and childish and for whatever bad points that i have...

however one important thing that i learnt -- life is precious so i would not give up easily... kore kara mo gambarimasu!

"200 pounds beauty"

Finally i have ended my sun classes... i was on my way to meet dear for dinner (still standing at tanjong pagar platform waiting) before i received his msg... he actually suggested going for a movie after dinner? hahaha i dunno but i feel its so unlike of him to have such a request? usually we only go for dinner den go home le... =p still, i was very happy... *arigatou*

talking about the movie, its about a fat and ugly girl who has a great voice... she was singing in the backstage for a singer... after being insulted by the singer, she went for plastic surgery to totally change herself into a beautiful woman... by her fren's help, she returned to singing and was rediscovered by the producer whom she was secretly in love with... it was very touching... haha at least i cried several times... i am too easily touched... :s

but the chinese subtitles sucked... got a few parts it was lousily translated... how i know? cuz it had both english and chinese subtitles lor... cant imagine those who are reading the chinese subtitles only... :s

shocked beyond words

was just chatting with my lab partner dean just now... she was mentioning about her close fren, abel... always see him with her in lectures last time... and i always tease them being a couple... when she asked me, do u rem him? i thought its gonna be some good news that they finally got tog? but she just told me that he passed away... -committed suicide- though i believe some point in time, everyone would have this kind of thought going thru' in their minds, this still come across rather shocking to me... maybe cuz recently my colleague's dad passed away due to sickness, i was already feeling bad for her... why do people choose to give up their lives so easily? haiz~

Finally!

these few weeks the blog has been down due to some unknown problem... at first i tot it was only my blog... den i realised tt alot of ppl are having problems with their blogs... primary reason being tt our blog adds have "-" or "_"... haha so finally, i can update my blog... but not as if i update tt often?

it is the end of my first term for school... *finally* last few weeks it had been quite hectic writing the term progress and taking pictures for the children... they are so cute... i am gonna miss them... =p this term break comes just in time for me to take a rest and also to tink about wat i am gonna do in class... heehee~ i must come up with new tricks to get them practising games at home!

and also, me gonna go btm this week! hahaha finally i have the weekend to spend with my bf... =) though we haven plan wat to do yet... most prob eating and more eating... how am i going to slim down like this ler? i haven quite figure that out yet...

anyway, me just made an appointment with the dentist for braces... after so many years, i finally got the chance to do it... haha so many ppl asked me why i nvr do it when i am younger... no money mar... how to do? i am so excited though a bit scared about extracting teeth...

though this whole entry sounds abit messy, everything has gotta do with finally... hahaha nvr know that it is such an useful word... ^^||

WoW!

I am so excited that day when minhui msg me that she had already received her jlpt results... felt a little pity she failed but i din dare to ask how much she has gotten... as for me, i was rushing home to open the letter... and when i did that, i din dare to see the results... i showed the letter to my mum and asked her to see for me if it was written "failed"... (japanese kanji are the same as chinese words) however, my mum said words too small and she couldnt really see... -_-" haha in the end, i looked at my results and guess wat? i passed!!!! i was very excited and happy... but come to tink of it, i only passed by one more miserable mark... actually also nth to be proud of... =p

recalled how my teacher said "impossible" to me when i asked her whether i could pass jlpt level one if i take it last yr... though disheartened, i went to kinokuniya and spent quite alot of money on buying assessment books and exam papers... cuz at tt time i just passed my level two so i was still quite enthu in studying... not that i nvr study but after two three months, my enthusiasm went down drastically... the result was i nvr finish studying my assessment books and had to skip to doing exam papers... was hoping for the best le... :s

on tt day i met up with minhui n sylvia n pauline who took level two for lunch... after tt, my da yi ma suddenly just come... during the exam midway, my cramps start to come... it was quite sianz to do the paper but i tried my best... i even closed my eyes and image myself doing exams... haha wat can i say? at least i passed... =)

Happy Chinese New Year

Happy Chinese New Year to all~